Repurposing Pessimism
“Comfort is overrated…get comfortable with being uncomfortable,” my pretend friend Luvvie Ajayi told us in her infamous TED talk. She reminds us that the path to changing your life to changing this world is just on the other side of our unpleasant feelings like fear and anxiety.
It’s a nice platitude, right? Sounds like something you’ll find some super bossy babe rocking on a t-shirt. If you type “become comfortable with being uncomfortable,” our Master Teacher, Google, returns about 61,500,000 results in 0.52 seconds. It seems like everyone has something to say about embracing your fear, pushing pass anxiety, all while feeling like you’re working from home while wearing your favorite pair of joggers and UGG house shoes.
Well, let me tell you I haven’t been there, done that or bought the t-shirt. Here’s what this has looked like for me:
Day 1 – get this brilliant idea to do something, and I’m feeling like, “yeah, I’m that chick, watch out now cause I’m bringing the fire.”
Day 2 – try to implement said brilliant idea, and suddenly, I’m that chick who is oozing the unsexy scent of anxiety. At the same time, I think of all the reasons why this is not a brilliant idea at all but a rather stupid one that somebody else should be doing, anybody but me.
And in this positivity obsessed culture that we live in when I text one of my IRL girlfriends to tell them how I wish for the internet to crash so I don’t have to show up and write that article, or for there to be a major snowstorm, so I don’t have to make that speech. I’m usually met with super loving attempts to shake me out of my despair by telling me how “I got this.” While I’m on the other end like “No, actually, I don’t “got this!”
If the said girlfriend has the unfortunate position of being in front of me, I’ll then proceed to list all the very many reasons why I’m going to screw this up completely. Cue the glazed eyes look while she reminds me of all the times, I’ve already done this, and everything turned out just fine.
She’s right, of course, but it’s not enough to make my anxiety shapewear feel any less tight and constricting.
This week while shopping around the House of Google for ways to return this ill-fitting anxiety shapewear for some super fly positive thinking, I came across this research on defensive pessimism.
In case you don’t get your thrills by reading super dry research material, let me school you:
The term defensive pessimism … refers to a cognitive strategy in which individuals set low expectations for an upcoming performance, despite having done well in similar situations in the past. People using the strategy then mentally rehearse or extensively reflect on what might happen—with special attention paid to potential problems that they might encounter. They play through various mental scenarios, including all of the possible things that might go wrong, and work hard to prepare for the upcoming performance or situation.
It’s a strategy, a plan to manage your anxiety. Instead of trying to get rid of your fear, you repurpose it. It’s like finding that scarf that you’ve had in your closet for ages and discovering a new way to wear it.
Here’s how to try this on:
Think of it as a dress rehearsal. In the days before, you have to show up for your whatever you have going on, mentally rehearse everything that will happen at that moment.
In your mind, place yourself in front of your audience, what happens?
If you’re anything like me, the first couple of things that come to your mind are usually not how you are killing it in that dress. You may have thought about a wardrobe malfunction (hey Janet I see you) or maybe missing a step and falling.
As your mind goes into overdrive to imagine all the worst-case scenarios, just rock with it.
Now at the end of rehearsal, this is where you put all that reflective thinking to good use and prepare. Come up with solutions for how you’ll prevent the wardrobe mishap, how you handle (with all the grace of Queen Bey) the situation if you happen to lose your footing.
The control freak in you will love how much more command you have over yourself and the unknowns that cause anxiety around future events.
So, what do you think? Is this strategy the right fit for you?
More fresh style for your mind from the House of Google this week…